I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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