OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
