your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
