just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize