shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i was born a porn star she said
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
