an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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