I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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