Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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