dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
