where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
