You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
