I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
