found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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