It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
