just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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