You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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