I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
