So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
