Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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