she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
