Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am naked and annoyed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
