Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
