I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
