marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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