but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
