Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
