Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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