I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
