I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize