Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
