well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
