my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
