watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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