forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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