He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
