We tried having a conversation with our noses.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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