You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
