I faked an abortion last night.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So vagazzling was a success
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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