Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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