The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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