DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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