There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Green mimosas i think yes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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