I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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