Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
only if we run a train.
done.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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