Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize