The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
