I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
