She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
sex in a hospital.. check
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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