I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
