oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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