I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
