Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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