dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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