Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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