I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
