you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
