it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
