We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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