God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
