went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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