I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have tasted many bathrooms
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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