I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
