We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
