Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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