FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
