Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
