girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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